The new effect pedal prototype is ready ! Now you have to name it… That’s a very important step ! The name can reflect the brand equity or it can give indications about the use of the pedal. It also aims to distinguish your effect from the competitors. Yet, many brands don’t seem to put a real effort into creating the name of their future effect pedal… We’ve all seen pedals with this sort of shitty names such as Brand-Name Distorsion or Buy-Me-X732-BK-Power. Awful !
In the other hand, some others seem to put a lot of effort into naming their pedals. Sometimes the result is surprising… If you like dirty puns, below-the-belt humor and you’re a porn aficonado… This Top 7 is what you need !!
Assblaster by Metasonix
Metasonix is famous for pulling out the dirtiest products names in the guitar industry. They often are focused below the belt such as the Butt Probe or the Fucking Fucker. The Assblaster is now discontinued (half of Metasonix catalog seems to be discontinued anyway) but I don’t doubt that it was probably designed to blow your ass off !!
Soda Meiser by Devi Ever
Devi Ever has a certain talent to build fuzz pedals that sound great but also to find them some funny names.
In the Soda series, you will also find the Soda Might… Well, that’s just what a Soda Meiser would need for company, right ?
And for those who think that I have a twisted mind, I’ll tell ’em : “Yes. So what?”
Bag of Dicks by Casey Gooby
We all know where a powerful tone comes from, right? Yes, right from the, hum… You know? Well, anyway…
This pedal made by Casey Gooby was already featured on Guitar Fail… I still don’t know if I can imagine myself asking a bag of dicks in my favorite guitar shop !
Well, actually I am pretty sure that this is not the kind of situation that I would experience…
Luckily, we still have the internet. Just in case I really really want a bag of dicks!
Hairy Balls by Big John Music
Well, now that you have your bag full of dicks to power the tone of your guitar, aren’t you forgetting a little something ?
Yeeeees !! The two bags of balls that go with it ! Hairy balls, please !
For here or to go ?
Super Hard On by Zvex
And to finish with the male tones series, let me introduce the Super Hard On, just because, well…
Why would you have a bag of dicks and two bags of hairy extensions if you can’t use them ! You have to do something, and a Super Hard On is what you need !!
And now you see where the list is heading. As you may have noticed, we are kind of stuck in the male attributes area, right ? Hop Hop… Let’s correct that quick !
Camel Toe by Way Huge
Way Huge is famous for the humoristic pedal names that are often quite subtil too ! Well, in this case there is no subtlety whatsoever… I guess !
Maybe that’s why it isn’t featured in the Way Huge catalog anymore… Did Dunlop Manufacturing chickened out because of this obvious reference to the porn culture ?
Well, I admit that maybe I am fantasizing a little with this one because the Camel Toe is a combination of two other Way Huge pedals : Green Rhino and Red Llama. That being said, if that was just a reference to both pedals they would have name it Brown Camel (or something like that) instead of Camel Toe, right?
Screaming Whore II by Metal Pedals
And this list had to end that way !! If she doesn’t scream with all that testosterone-ish names and that way huge camel toe of hers, well I guess that means that something went wrong !
To my knowledge, there is no male equivalent to this Screaming Whore but I guess we could figure out something around Priapus ! There is a lot of inspiration when it comes to think below the belt.
Well, this makes me wonder if I shouldn’t start a brands and products naming service ! I am pretty sure that the world needs my brilliant mind…
If you think that I forgot an effect pedal in that list of dirty named pedals, and you think it unfair… Well, just let me know in the comments section below ! I know I can’t have them all and maybe we could make a second list…