**Law of Concerts Punctuality**

The starting time printed on the ticket to a concert is always wrong.

**Corollary of the Law of Concerts Punctuality**

If you trust the ticket, you will be late for the gig.

**Paradox of the Law of Concerts Punctuality**

If the ticket doesn’t display a starting time, then you will be right on time for the gig.

**Principle of Time Elasticity of the Concert**

The duration of a concert is inversely proportional to the quality of the performance.

**Extended Principle of Time Elasticity**

The support band always plays too long, except if the band is interesting.

**Unifying Theorem of the Laws of Punctuality and Time Elasticity Principles**

Y is a concert planned at T time with a support band called X.

f(Y) and f(X) are functions measuring the interest for Y and X; and f(T) is an estimation of the arrival time at the venue to be right on time.

– If f(X)→ ∞ and f(Y)→ ∞ then f(T) = T-8 *i.e* You better have to wake up at sunrise to be on time.

– If f(X)→ 0 and f(Y)→ ∞ then f(H) = T+2 *i.e.* according to the Extended Principle of Time Elasticity, you can be as slow as you want it.

– If f(X)→ ∞ and f(Y)→ 0 then you better wait until X = Y because no matter what you do, you will be late to a concert during which the support band will leave the stage too quickly, and the rest of the concert will be boring.

– If f(X)→ 0 and f(Y)→ 0 then f(H) = a very bad time for you because you are planning to go to a concert of any interest to you!!! Well keep your bucks in your pocket, save this money to have a nice dinner for example… Unless if she is really a cutie, in which case I understand your sacrifice!

**** Don’t worry the damages caused by the intense reading of this article should be covered by your healt insurance…**