Law of Concerts Punctuality
The starting time printed on the ticket to a concert is always wrong.
Corollary of the Law of Concerts Punctuality
If you trust the ticket, you will be late for the gig.
Paradox of the Law of Concerts Punctuality
If the ticket doesn’t display a starting time, then you will be right on time for the gig.
Principle of Time Elasticity of the Concert
The duration of a concert is inversely proportional to the quality of the performance.
Extended Principle of Time Elasticity
The support band always plays too long, except if the band is interesting.
Unifying Theorem of the Laws of Punctuality and Time Elasticity Principles
Y is a concert planned at T time with a support band called X.
f(Y) and f(X) are functions measuring the interest for Y and X; and f(T) is an estimation of the arrival time at the venue to be right on time.
– If f(X)→ ∞ and f(Y)→ ∞ then f(T) = T-8 i.e You better have to wake up at sunrise to be on time.
– If f(X)→ 0 and f(Y)→ ∞ then f(H) = T+2 i.e. according to the Extended Principle of Time Elasticity, you can be as slow as you want it.
– If f(X)→ ∞ and f(Y)→ 0 then you better wait until X = Y because no matter what you do, you will be late to a concert during which the support band will leave the stage too quickly, and the rest of the concert will be boring.
– If f(X)→ 0 and f(Y)→ 0 then f(H) = a very bad time for you because you are planning to go to a concert of any interest to you!!! Well keep your bucks in your pocket, save this money to have a nice dinner for example… Unless if she is really a cutie, in which case I understand your sacrifice!
** Don’t worry the damages caused by the intense reading of this article should be covered by your healt insurance…